


Milkshakes

by billhighthescienceguy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Established Relationship, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, PTSD, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 21:24:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2556212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billhighthescienceguy/pseuds/billhighthescienceguy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas loves Dean, but his past with his homophobic father and the cruelty of strangers makes it difficult for him to be proud of loving him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Milkshakes

**Author's Note:**

> This is another tumblr prompt! Send me one at whatwouldjohnbarrowmando.tumblr.com

"So we went over to Bobby's for the weekend, and Ellen and Jo showed up with a cake, and I was glad they did. I didn't have any money to buy one, and Bobby didn't know how to bake a cake, and I was worried we'd have to go through Sammy's birthday without one. I mean, it was a pretty shitty cake, but Sammy liked it, so I don't care."

Dean finished telling Cas about what had happened since the last time they'd seen each other, and Cas had been giving him his full attention. They could only see each other every few weeks or so because Dean moved around so much, but Dean's surrogate father, Bobby, always made sure he had time to see Cas every once in a while. 

The two were sat in Cas' favorite diner, eating french fries and drinking milkshakes, talking about what was going on. Cas had never realized just how much he missed Dean until he came back, and whenever he did, they would spend every moment together until he had to take off again. It was a pretty fucked up arrangement, especially considering the fact that they were in high school, but they dealt with it.

They had been doing this for almost two years now. They had met during their freshman year, and now they were nearing the end of their junior year. For the most part, Cas didn't care that he only had a few days at a time to be with Dean. It was just nice to have someone who understood what it was like to be gay. It was nice having someone who didn't judge him or try to change him or "fix" him. He loved Dean, and Dean loved him, and that was all that mattered.

When Cas first came out when he was in eighth grade, his family hadn't taken it very well. His two oldest brothers, Michael and Gabriel, had gotten uncomfortable and awkward around him, but they never said anything rude to him. They had the best reactions. Cas' younger sister Rachel had thrown a tantrum, yelling about how she couldn't possibly be around Cas anymore because it would make her gay, too. Cas generally let that slide; he knew she didn't really understand and he hoped that one day she'd realize how silly she was being.

His dad was the worst. He'd beaten Cas. He had come at him with a bat, and Cas had tried to escape. His siblings had stood by and watched this happen, not saying or doing anything to get him to stop. Castiel had come away with a cracked rib, two thick black eyes, and a broken nose, but he had survived. He didn't go to the hospital or anything, he had known there wouldn't have been any point. His dad would always come after him.

Fast forward to present day, however, Cas was alright. He had run away from home and was living with his friend Kevin from school. Kevin's family had always been so kind to him, and he greatly appreciated everything they did for him. Cas hated thinking about his family, and he was glad he didn't have to see them anymore, and, if he was lucky, he'd never have to see or speak to them ever again.

He slid his hands across the table and held Dean's cold fingers. Dean ran his thumbs over Cas' knuckles and grinned.

"You're being awfully quiet today, what's going on?"

Cas smiled back, but stared at their hands. "I just... I prefer listening to you than talking to you."

Dean laughed. "Good, because I love talking and I hate listening to you."

Cas gave him a light smack on the cheek and Dean reached over and ruffled his hair.

"Oh, man... I wish I had more than just a few days with you, Cas."

Cas' smile faded and he diverted his attention to his milkshake and took a sip. Then he looked up at Dean and stared into his eyes.

"I know. I wish... I want to spend every day with you." 

Dean smiled sadly. "Me, too."

Just then, some boys who were about their age and were sat a few tables away began laughing loudly and pointing at Cas and Dean. Cas quickly drew his hands away from Dean's and stuffed them in his sweatshirt pocket, cheeks glowing red. 

"Cas, come on, ignore those guys," Dean said in an attempt to be comforting. "Who gives a shit what they think?"

"Dean..." Cas said quietly, still listening to the laughing boys. "Dean, I live in Texas. There are always going to be people like them down here, and they are always going to laugh at me. And... I'm always going to care what they think. I can't help it."

Dean frowned, then lowered his head to try and see Cas' face. "I know, Cas, I get it. But they're never going to change, so why should you?" Then he stood up and patted Cas' shoulder. "I gotta go take a leak, then we can leave. We can go see that new Disney movie, if you want, no one will bother us there." 

Cas nodded and Dean walked towards the restroom leaving Cas in the booth by himself. He kept his head down as he sucked up the remainder of his vanilla milkshake and nibbled on the fries.

All of a sudden, he heard the scraping chairs from behind him. He kept staring at his lap- he already knew who was coming.

One of the boys from the other table slid into the side of the booth that had previously been occupied by Dean. The other three gathered around the end, all of them staring at Cas and laughing cruelly.

"So, what's up, fag? You and your boyfriend out to suck some dick tonight?" The boy in the booth said. Cas clenched his fist in his sweatshirt but he didn't say anything. The boy picked up a fry and stuffed it in his mouth, then offered the rest to his friends. They all took a few in their hands and began throwing them at Cas and laughing. The boy in the booth leaned back and crossed his arms. Cas felt hatred bubbling inside him, but he still didn't move or speak. He knew the consequences of speaking out of turn. His father had made sure he'd learned that lesson.

"Aw, guys, come on, enough with the fries," the boy in the booth said. His friends stopped and stared at him questioningly. "There's a milkshake right here, why not use that?"

He stood up, picked up Dean's half-drunk milkshake, and walked around the table to stand next to Cas. Cas closed his eyes and held his breath as the freezing cold liquid dripped down his neck and back. The boys around him kept laughing as the boy who appeared to be their leader threw the straw at Cas' face and dropped the empty milkshake glass on the table with a clang.

"Please... Please stop," Cas said, quietly. He felt a lump in his throat, but he swallowed it down- there's no way in hell he could let himself cry in front of these boys. 

"Stop?" The leader boy laughed evilly. "You gotta stop being a fag if you wanna stop being treated like one!" The other boys cackled and Cas felt his stomach drop. He couldn't handle this. He was going to start crying.

He kept his head down and tears began flowing from his eyes. The boys continued throwing fries, ketchup packets, ice cubes... Anything within arms' reach at Cas. Cas felt a knot form in his stomach.

"I... Please, stop," Cas squeaked unintentionally. He immediately wished he hadn't.

The leader boy bent forward and looked at Cas' face, which was wet with tears. "Aw, what's up, you gonna cry? You gonna start crying? Little fag can't handle a few french fries? Alright, well, let's see what you think of this."

He swung his fist and Cas braced himself as it collided with his cheekbone. He felt a throbbing pain as a bruise began forming and he felt more tears roll down his now dented cheek. The boys continued laughing hysterically and the voice of Cas' father echoed through his mind.

_ "You're not my son!" _

_ "My son is not a fag! You were never my son!" _

Cas' head was pounding, his heart was hammering, and his entire body was trembling in fear. He kept his fists clenched and his nails dug into the palms of his hands as he tried to keep his sobs trapped in his mouth.

The boys laughed some more and Cas felt a a sharp kick hit his shin. He kept his cry of pain locked in his mouth, and he stopped himself from kneeing the table in retaliation. His body's only response was to stay still and pray that the boys would get bored soon and leave him alone.

Suddenly, the slam of a door echoed through the diner and Cas relaxed a bit as he heard Dean stomping over and screaming at the boys.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He yelled, shoving them out of the way to stand between them and Cas. 

"What does it look like? We're giving this fag what he has coming to him. Would you like the same?" The leader boy raised his fist threateningly at Dean and Dean smiled at him. 

"Oh, big mistake." 

Dean grabbed the boy's collar in his fist and socked him in the nose. He kneed the boy in the crotch and shoved him away, sending him flying into his group of friends, crying out in pain.

"Get the fuck out of here!" Dean yelled as the boys dispersed, leaving their leader lying on the floor, one hand on his nose, the other on his crotch.

"You fucking fags!"

"Yeah, I am, thanks for asking," Dean said smartly, kicking the boy in the side. "Now I'm pretty sure I told you to get the fuck out!"

The boy slipped on the floor trying to stand up, but once he got his footing he scampered out the door and down the street after his friends.

Dean shook out his fist, then squatted down next to Cas, who was desperately trying to hide his tears from him. Dean took Cas' wrist in his hand and forced him to look at him in the eyes.

"You okay?" He asked him, his voice changing abruptly from loud and brash to quiet and gentle. Cas shook his head and more tears poured from his eyes. Dean sat down next to Cas and put his arm around him. He used his other hand to wipe some of the milkshake from Cas' face and neck.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he said, kissing Cas' bruised cheek. Cas trembled at the touch and buried his face into Dean's shoulder.

"Please don't go," he cried softly. Dean turned in his seat to pull Cas into a hug, holding his head to his shoulder and rubbing his neck gently.

"I wish I didn't have to, Cas, I really do."

Cas pulled away from Dean's hug and looked at him through his tears. "Can we go now, please?" He whimpered. He felt entirely drained. He didn't care what they did now, he just knew that even though this was his favorite diner, he could never come back here.

Dean stood up to let Cas out of the booth and Cas ran past him, out the door and into his car, locking the doors behind him. Dean let out a sigh, tossed a few dollars on the table for the food (and a bit extra as an apology for the mess) and followed his boyfriend out the door.

He knocked on the window of Cas' car, making Cas jump. Cas unlocked the door just long enough for Dean to open it, then clicked the lock button again before hiding his face inside his sweatshirt. Dean sat down, shut the door, and stared at Cas pitifully. 

"Cas, I..." He didn't know what to say. He never understood why it was always Cas who got the worst of the abuse and not him.

"I can't do this anymore, Dean. I can't handle it, it's too much." Cas' voice was muffled and broken and Dean felt his heart crack down the middle.

"Cas, I know it's bad. I get it-"

"-no, you don't," Cas interrupted, looking up from his sweatshirt. "I'm not okay, Dean, I'm never going to be okay. My family hates me, I get attacked by strangers, and the one person on the planet who makes me feel okay about all of this only shows up once a month! I can't... I can't live this way, Dean. I don't want to live... This way."

Dean stayed silent for a moment to process what he'd just heard. "Cas," he began slowly, keeping his voice steady. "Life for people like us is not easy. And it's never going to be. I can't change that, and fuck knows I wish I could, but I can't."

"I don't expect you to, Dean, but I can't keep doing this-"

"-Cas, shut up and let me finish, wouldja?" Cas' voice immediately died and Dean continued. "You are a lot more than just some dude who likes dudes, alright? You're crazy beautiful, and incredibly smart and unbelievably well-adjusted given what you've been through."

Cas remained silent and stared at his fumbling fingers. Dean leaned over, picked up Cas' hands, and held them tight as he continued. "Cas, you saved my life the day we met, and the fact that I get to see you, no matter how small that amount of time is, is what keeps me going. I would not still be here if I hadn't met you, Cas. I was one more fuck-up away from putting a gun to my head the day we met." Dean's voice cracked, and another lump rose in Cas' throat.

"I'm here to do the same for you. So I don't ever- hey, look at me." Dean tugged on Cas' hands, and Cas turned his bloodshot eyes in his direction. 

"I don't ever want to hear you talking like that again, do you hear me?" Dean's voice was authoritative and thick. Cas' heart sank.

"I know how you're feeling, Cas. But... Cas, I love you, so much... And seeing you like this... It's killing me, man!"

Cas' tears kept falling. "I'm sorry, Dean," he sobbed, gripping Dean's hand tightly as though letting go of it would make Dean run away. 

"Don't be sorry, Cas, you have nothing to be sorry for," Dean said, drying Cas' cheeks with his jacket sleeve. "Just don't go talking like that ever again."

Cas grabbed Dean's shoulder and pulled him close and pushed their lips together. The kiss was salty from Cas' tears, but he could taste a small trace of Dean's chocolate milkshake. When they pulled apart, Dean smiled and brushed Cas' hair from his eyes.

"Let's get you cleaned up, alright? Then movie?"

Cas smiled wetly and brought Dean's fingers to his mouth to kiss them gently.

"Yeah... Movie."

 

 


End file.
